I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
