note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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