Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
