so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
