Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
