dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
