How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
