Little spoons don't ask big questions
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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