Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
