we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
