I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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