At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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