So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
