I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
