I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Drake has all the answers
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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