I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
