R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
