what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
