I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
