I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize