You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
