How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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