whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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