The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize