last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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