Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
