He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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