and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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