i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
