its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
