you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
