i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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