guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
