..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
