yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
