So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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