I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
