I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
