it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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