Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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