He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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