oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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