Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
