I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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