I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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