if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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