literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
