This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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