dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
