We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
