I just saw a hot homeless man
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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