I cannot find my penis.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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