Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
