you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
