I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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