So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
