Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
