TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
