Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
