What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
