Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
