im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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