What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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