i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If that was your dad, he is hot
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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