So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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