I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my being single is dangerous.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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