Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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