Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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