If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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